Finding out

I found out I was pregnant on February 22nd. I had been feeling "off." Really exhausted. Strangely, a lot of my close friends had commented about me being pregnant. Two of my friends had dreams that I was pregnant, Jenny and I had a conversation about it. Jenny and I had gone to this trampoline aerobics class (because we are really fun people), and at the end, Jenny said, "What if you're pregnant right now?" We kind of joked about it, but I thought about it a little more and took a test the next day. The test results were very faint, too faint to really read it properly, so after a few days, I bought a digital test. 

It said: PREGNANT

The results were crystal clear. I was happy. SO. HAPPY. And really scared. AND SO HAPPY. It had taken a long time. Trevor and I had been prepared for the eventuality that I might become pregnant for a lot of months. Close to a year, even. (I like to say it that way rather than saying we were "trying." I don't know if "trying" is the right word for, "Meh. We like kids. We like each other. We're in this forever. Let's see if we can't make us a baby if we use no protection at all for a long time.") 

Once I found out, I texted Trevor and asked him if he wanted to meet for lunch. I HAD to tell him. I was so excited!!! An hour later, though, sitting in Baja Fresh didn't have the right vibe I was looking for. Nothing felt right about telling Trevor he was gonna be a daddy again in that fresh mex restaurant. I started getting nervous.

 We ate lunch, me knowing I was pregnant and Trevor just enjoying his tacos like any red blooded American would. Then I went home. I had uttered not a peep. I began second guessing myself. "How do I tell him? How do you SAY this to someone? Do I do a THING? Do I create a mood? Or just say it? Is it better to set something cool up? Maybe a slideshow? HOW DO I TELL HIM???" I was nervous. I knew he would be happy, but honestly, I wasn't comfortable saying, "I'm pregnant." I don't know why! It was too grown up/clinical sounding. I was just accepting there was a baby growing in me. I needed some time before I said, "I'm pregnant." 

He got home that afternoon, and was in his generally awesome Friday mood. We were talking, laughing, having this wonderful time. I thought, "Tell him now. This is perfect. Tell him now." I kept my mouth shut. I stayed silent about it for half an hour. I acted like nothing new was in my guts that would become a human in less than a year. I don't know why! It wasn't until we got up to go get Shea from her after school club that I said, "Wait! I have to tell you something." What followed was me bumbling and not saying good words, and generally being weird. Trevor had to clarify. "Are you pregnant?" "YES." "THIS is how you tell me?" I laughed/cried/blushed. "I'VE NEVER SAID THIS TO ANYONE BEFORE!" At this point, Trevor hug tackled me and I cried weird tears that seemingly had no origin. They were just squeezing out. No stinging or warning, just ploppy tears that leaked out of my eyes.

We are happy. SO. HAPPY. Happy that I can get pregnant. Happy that we get to be in this together. Happy that we have made a baby. Happy because we know already that we are good parents together. 

Warning signs that I was pregnant:
Not being able to hug Trevor really hard at all because my chest was so sore. You know. My chest (my boobs). 
Sleeping so hard during our vacation to Big Sur. 
Falling asleep on the bar at work after my shift one night. Rachel said, "You're pregnant."

There are a million beautiful milestones to look forward to. My due date is November 7th. When the next Winter starts, I will be a mom. Thanksgiving and Christmas will be plus one. I am so over the moon to share our wonderful family with this new human! I can't even imagine.... I love the holidays so much with Shea and Sydney...and now we get to add a NEW person to include in our traditions! Oh my gosh. We are so lucky. I'm going to cry. 

And that's all for now.